A Day in the Life of Joe Republican (anonymous as of now)
Joe gets up at 6am and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning
coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought
for minimum water-quality standards.
With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His
medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to
ensure their safety and they work as advertised. All but $10 of his
medications is paid by his employer's medical plan because some liberal
union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe
gets it too.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to
eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat
packing industry.
In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly
labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because
some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his
body and how much it contained.
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is
clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to
stop industries from polluting our air. He walks on the government-provided
sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It
saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some
fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives
everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his workday. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical
benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal
union member fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer
pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to
call the union.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get workers
compensation check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose
his home because of a temporary misfortune.
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some
bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FDIC because some godless
liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined
the banking system before the Great Depression.
Joe has to pay Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal
student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the country
would be better off if he was educated and earned more
money over his lifetime. Joe forgets that in addition to his federally
subsidized student loan, he attended a state funded university.
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm
home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the
safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car
safety standards to go along with the taxpayer funded roads.
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the
house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want
to make rural loans.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on
Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking cheese eating
liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe
wouldn't have to.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show.
The radio host keeps saying that the liberals are bad and conservatives are
good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against
every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day and takes for granted today.
Joe agrees: We don't need those big government liberals ruining our lives!
After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of
themselves, just like I have.
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